If I might say a few words about comfort food: Praise the Lord and pass the gravy, please. You know what I’m talking about – meat loaf and mashed potatoes, pizza, goulash and don’t even get me started on hot dogs.
The old commercial asked, “What kind of kids eat Armour Hot Dogs? Obese kids, bulimic kids; also kids from Tacoma. Sissy kids; prissy kids; even kids with Corona, eat hot dogs … Armour hot dogs: The dogs kids love to bite.” Of course, as I so often do, which is part of my charm, I played fast and loose with the time-honored lyrics of that classic hot dog commercial popular when I was just a wee woodhick. I’m not even sure if Armour still makes hot dogs, but whatever the brand, I’m a hog for the dog.
Ya know, we’ve been in a severe hot dog drought in Cody the past several years. Suddenly the All-American wiener disappeared like a minority, pro-choice advocate at a Republican convention. I was beyond heartbroken when “Mustard’s Last Stand” vacated that jinxed business locale across the street from the Cody building. You might recall it was once Cody Deli before a fire forced closure, Annie Oakleys, Brad Wagler’s exotic meats eatery, and some Italian joint if my memory serves me correctly.
But my hot dog passion continued, and thankfully Wendy’s offered a pretty good dog. Then, as if to vex me, they discontinued hot dogs, as if to hurt me out of spite for some imagined slight. Color me paranoid, but you may recall I wrote about the same treatment with the Dairy Queen mushroom and swiss burger after I made no secret of my addiction to the scrumptious sandwich. A very popular burger, so you have to ask yourself, “Why?!!”
So about as forlorn as a man can be, out of the blue appeared recently “The Weiner Wagon” – as if just as I was losing my faith, the heavens opened up and blessed us with this purveyor of the ultimate comfort food. I firmly believe a good, plump, hot wiener is one of our greatest gifts. In fact, most of our traveling food trucks – a quality taco truck is no exception – are a vastly underrated asset.
“Ooh, but hot dogs are unhealthy. If you saw what goes into that wiener, pig lips and hog spleens, you’d never eat another one,” they try to tell us. Well, wake up and smell the roses, naysayers. Statistics tell us a steady diet of comfort food shortens one’s life span by six months at the most, and that’s if you smoke. Well, how many years might one lose when forced to eat broccoli against their will as a child? I offer no statistics, but it’s certainly compelling food for thought.
It’s interesting to note the stupid keto diet has no problem with a hot dog, sans bun. Protein can’t be underplayed, and if wieners really are filled with porcine entrails, well, maybe that ain’t such a bad thing. I mean, who knows what goes into broccoli? Whatever it is, I find no comfort, only disgust for that vile weed!