The Temptations sang the heart-rending song, “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg.” 

As you might guess, I’m something of a proud man myself. Sure, there’s an incongruency about almost weekly depicting myself as everything from a semi-drunken sloth to a creepy, middle-ageish stalker. But you get it, don’t you – that a lot of that stuff is somewhat in jest?

I’m not too proud to stay up late and sleep till darn near noon though; that’s a luxury afforded a lifelong bachelor, and anyone uncool with that is possibly jealous and suffering buyer’s remorse. Nonetheless, we should all heed the proverbial warning, “Neither a vendor nor a beggar be.”

Here’s the thing: Our Sports Nut radio show host Ryan Brown pulled a few premature strings to declare me and Lincoln Reese as fundraising rivals – the beneficiaries being our local animal shelters. As a former Cody shelter president, I initially questioned the bizarre thought-process going into me representing Powell’s fine shelter, but later learned Lincoln’s sweet mom, Jan Riley, is PCAS’s new president. I stand corrected.

And what befalls the loser of this fundraising challenge ending Saturday? That poor sap must “bear-crawl” around the bases Sunday at the Legion State Tournament in Powell. So while a proud man above whimpering on hands and knees, haven’t I been through enough? You see my flaming yellow hair, due in part to a Reese drive on the tie-breaker hole during a team golf bet.

You see my unsteady gait, and I’d be self-defeatingly remiss not to mention my torn rotator cuff from last bowling season that’s suddenly flared up to such an excruciating degree I can’t even scratch my own back and surgery may be in my future. Think about it … a single man with no partner to assist in basic, right-handed functions, and I don’t even want to think about bathroom duties. 

A lonely, unshaven man in pain, a useless dominant arm in a sling and months of painful rehab. Trust me: that man can not, must not, bear-crawl 360 feet!

Don’t let this Ned Flanders clown victimize me again. Sure, his annoying, torturous banter has become almost endearing, but the man’s a referee of all things. You remember what refs did to the Saints in the 2018 playoffs, don’t you? And this cartoon character actually defends it!

I implore you to log onto mybighornbasin.com and click on the dog-faced faced Sports Nut with a headband. Don’t do it just for me; do it for my abandoned animal friends. God knows I’ve fought for enough Park County animals. God knows I’ve dipped into my bank account (when I had one) to save various dogs. God knows I don’t ask for much.

“I’ve heard that a cryin’ man is half a man with no sense of pride; but if I have to cry to secure your pledge; I don’t mind weepin’ if it gets you on my side.”

The Temptations sang it and I’ve remade it even sadder. Pride don’t feed animals or keep me walking upright. Please, please, please click “Donate” under my doppelganger mutt face. Have a heart … you don’t know what it’s like being me!

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