I’m not only an Enterprise writer, but also a customer – a voracious reader of opposing views. I’m not the only one who weekly pens compelling opinions ya know, so it’s not all about me. 

For instance, I loved Marguerite House’s graduation column this spring in which she quotes my own graduation column extensively. I was profoundly moved, yet almost unable to move, being glued to each word as I was.

With no sour grapes in my humble pie recipe, I enjoyed Leo Wolfson’s Kanye West column that ran in my usual space last week. It was for the most part complimentary, but being sensitive as I am, I just hope they won’t be offended there was no mention of Kim’s beauty, and their children being completely left out. One never knows what might offend.

I was particularly enthralled by Jeannette Sekan’s thought-provoking column titled, “Phrases can often stick in your head.” As you know, I have all kind of crap stuck in my head, and colorful phrases are a big part of my repertoire. You might say I’m a creature of habit and it’s hard to teach an old Doug new tricks.

Reading with rapt attention, I took notice of her last paragraph questioning readers with passionate sincerity in her query, “What words or phrases have stuck with you over time?”

I think it rude to ignore a direct question, and even ruder to answer a question with a question, like “What phrases aren’t stuck in my head?”

I pondered her enquiry, and sure enough, several words, and-or phrases came to mind. Speaking of creatures of habit, two phrases I’m sick of are “More than one way to skin a cat,” and “Don’t beat a dead horse.” I don’t care what death time-frame we’re talking, it’s never appropriate to beat a dead horse or any deceased animal for that matter.

Sadly, there are horse owners right here in our compassionate community who regularly beat their horses – seeing them only as profitable tools of labor rather than the regal, beautiful friends they are. That brings me to the popular saying I just made up, “Behind every bush is hidden an abusive snake.”

I’m sure you’ve heard, “You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.” That’s not necessarily true, as “a friend in need is a friend indeed,” and if your pal has missing fingers, it’s not only a civilized gesture, but an obligation.

A phrase most columnists are familiar with was sung by Ricky Nelson decades ago, “Ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself.” If you recall, Ricky went to a garden party to reminisce with his old friends. By the time he left, he was so disillusioned he said, “If memories are all I sang, I’d rather drive a truck.” So true.

Continuing with the columnist theme, the old adage, “You can lead a reader to satire, but you can’t make them neigh and paw at the ground” seems apropos. What I mean by that is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One man’s rancid apple is another man’s succulent fruit. Can I get an amen?

(3) comments


Doug, don't let the NFL (No Fun League) get you down.


Glad to have you back, Doug. For some, levity is absent so it's always good to read your column and have a chuckle.

"The first prerequisite of an advanced being is a sense of humor." Richard Bach


No. You cannot get an amen nor anything else.

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