An unnamed philosopher once said, “A hot fudge Sundae is just a warm, sludgy Tuesday when shared with another.”

I’m traditionally asked, “Doug, how’s come you never married?” Rather than ramble endlessly, I’ll share Kramer’s more eloquent answer upon hearing of Jerry and George’s plan to forsake their selfish, single ways.

It all started at the diner with George saying he broke up with his girlfriend because she was always chirping, “Happy, Pappy?” It irritated him and I get that. I believe even if seemingly small, if it grates, it must go.

Jerry trivialized the Pappy thing, and George countered, “Look who’s talking. You broke up with Melanie because she shushed you while you were watching TV.” “I have a real thing about shushing,” Jer rationalized, and I hear what he’s saying. It’s emasculating.

After a contemplated pause, Jerry asks with a deep sigh, “What are we doing? Our lives … what kind of lives are these? We’re like children; not men.” George conceded they were both pathetic and would probably still be sitting in that booth at sixty. “Why can’t we be normal,” Jerry asked with George agreeing.

Then George confessed he often thinks about his ex, Susan. He vowed to call her, and Jerry resolved to make it right with the shusher. “It would be nice to care about someone” they concluded, parting with a supportive handshake and what George considered to be a sacred pact.

This is where the carefree, unfettered Kramer comes in. After hearing Jerry’s gushing revelation, Kramer conjectured, “So you asked yourselves, ‘Isn’t there something more to life?’ Well let me clue you in. There isn’t.” A man-made prison is how he described commitment to his confused buddy.

“You get up in the morning; she’s there. You go to bed at night; she’s there. And you can forget about watching TV while you’re eatin’” 

“I can?” Jerry gasped. “Oh yeah! It’s dinner time and you know what you do at dinner? You talk about your day. ‘How was your day? Was it a good day or a bad day?’ ‘Well, I don’t know; how was your day?’” Jerry was silent, but his mental wheels were obviously spinning.

The next scene shows George on a waterfront bench, reliving Susan memories before jumping to his feet and scattering pigeons in a mad dash to reach Susan. Jerry meanwhile is having dinner with Melanie, deeply troubled by watching her eat her peas one pea at a time. George proposes on his ex’s doorstep … Jerry ultimately ends it with Melanie over the peas.

George is deflated hearing Jerry’s new epiphany. Soon we see Jerry and a buddy animatedly leaving “Firestorm,” – the movie George had to cancel for Susan’s choice, “The Muted Heart” with Sally Field.

Jerry calls one night excitedly telling George NBC was running the Yankee game, but we hear Susan in the background chirping, “Georgie, are you coming to bed? I taped ‘Mad About You.’” A slouching, defeated George finally unloads about the pact betrayal.

Marriage isn’t my bag, but to anyone contemplating marriage for whatever reason, remember to always give your spouse space to breath. And never go to bed hungry.

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