I tread hot water every time I even approach political correctness, but I’d be tragically remiss not to mention the recent, most egregious examples with dream-destroying repercussions.

Let me explain before you prematurely say, “How dare he condone insensitivity?” The PC Police have now hurt people I love, so this time it’s personal. The first brought an entire city to its knees and broke the big heart of my buddy, Sean Johnson. 

If you weren’t aware, in game three of the National League divisional playoffs, the Atlanta Braves trailed 1-0 in the ninth when down to their last out, they scored three runs to win and take a two-to-one lead in a five-game series.

I was with Sean for that unlikely comeback and his euphoria bordered on understandably obnoxious, but garnered me a free beer or two. In many countries – Japan for instance – refusal is considered rude.

It looked like a Braves pennant … until Cardinals pitcher Ryan Helsey publicly objected to the decades-old, good-natured “tomahawk chop” used to fire up fans. Ryan feels it misrepresents Native Americans as “Cave-Man type people.” Oh, are those who currently live in caves undeserving of respect?

The trendy apologies followed with a promise to end this barbaric practice fans held dear, and the result of the final game five was the snake-bitten, mojo-less Braves trailing 10-0 after one inning. I’d have expected the same thing had my Pittsburgh Pirates mascot’s eye patch been deemed insensitive to actual pirates working on the high seas.

Maybe the eye patch would have been replaced by one of those nerdy monocles and the ’79 Orioles would have won game seven by dozens of runs instead of the Bucs being world champions. Pardon my French, but “Aargh” to that!

As I’m consoling Sean, I learn this PC-gone-wild has now cost a hard-working, minority businessman his blood-sweat-and-tears vocation. 

Yes, Homer Simpson’s favorite Kwik-E-Mart owned by Apu Nahasapeemapetalon (pronounced just as it’s spelled) has closed. Never again will Apu tell a disgruntled customer, “Thank you; come again.”

Apparently Apu was a caricature of an India-born grocer, or as one critic put it, “It’s hard to take him seriously.” He’s a cartoon character, for God’s sake. (Oops; I mentioned God, which I need to apologize for ASAP).

BTW, Apu has a wife and like a dozen kids who will now go hungry, regardless of how much Top Ramen they managed to salvage. What’s next? Will the endearingly obese Homer be replaced by a thin, teetotaler, great father? Will Barney no longer belch? Will the actor who plays me in the movie be tall with perfect teeth?

Many of our beloved comedians now contemplate retirement. Thankfully we have a president who won’t bow down to the PC mob, continuing to call critics “losers” and Rosie O’Donnell a “fat pig.” I see Donald as a beacon of hope for all the unfiltered class acts out there, calling a spade a spade.

Indians everywhere are now forced to reevaluate their proud heritage. Will citizens in South Bend be next to forcibly betray their roots? Ah, what are ya gonna do? Just publicly apologize I guess.

(7) comments

Fox Blue River

This is complete nonsense and you are completely out of touch if you think Donald Trump is a representative of appropriate behavior at any level.

P Demoney

"I see Donald as a beacon of hope for all the unfiltered class acts out there, calling a spade a spade." I wish you would have started with that sentence, as then I would not have wasted the time to read this "chloroform in print".

Disgusted taxpayer

AMEN to that.


Yes, some would call the Donald “refreshing”...but not those he grabbed by the p****y, not the wives who were cheated on (I personally call that adultery), not the women who were dismissed and paid off, not those expecting a promised middle class tax cut, not those promised lower health care costs, not the farmers whose crops rot in the fields, not those now being slaughtered in Syria because his “instincts” kicked in, and he had superior wisdom of places in the world he can’t find on a map, not those indicted 33 individuals in the Russia scandal, not his associates convicted & now in jail, plus those awaiting sentencing, not the fragile country of Ukraine actively fighting Russia & withheld much needed & promised US aid, not the families separated at the border, not the victims of his bizarre toddler behavior...but I suppose everyone else thinks his unfiltered obscenities, conspiracy theories, are really, really refreshing...especially the Saudis, Putin, Kim Jong Un...

Disgusted taxpayer

Apparently many Americans love what is happening in the White House nowadays...it shows where American values and morals have went.


Wow, talk about satire being misread and taken as praise! Trump being a class act and beacon of hope was an exercise in facetiousness, in fact. I was tongue-in-cheek pointing out just how NON-classy he is and a beacon of hope for all the UNclassy, legitimately offensive and/or prejudiced jerks out there. My beacon of hope is that apparently people are reading my column, but I better make myself more clear without losing the satirical touch. Donald trump a class act ... oh boy is THAT a good one.


WYChris, I could not have said it better myself, and I'm the author of the column. In fact, I've said all those very things in my many heated debates with Trump-praisers, but I obviously didn't say it so well in the column meant to be facetious. Seriously though, expertly-worded letter ... I'm thinking maybe YOU should be writing a column!

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