I tread hot water every time I even approach political correctness, but I’d be tragically remiss not to mention the recent, most egregious examples with dream-destroying repercussions.
Let me explain before you prematurely say, “How dare he condone insensitivity?” The PC Police have now hurt people I love, so this time it’s personal. The first brought an entire city to its knees and broke the big heart of my buddy, Sean Johnson.
If you weren’t aware, in game three of the National League divisional playoffs, the Atlanta Braves trailed 1-0 in the ninth when down to their last out, they scored three runs to win and take a two-to-one lead in a five-game series.
I was with Sean for that unlikely comeback and his euphoria bordered on understandably obnoxious, but garnered me a free beer or two. In many countries – Japan for instance – refusal is considered rude.
It looked like a Braves pennant … until Cardinals pitcher Ryan Helsey publicly objected to the decades-old, good-natured “tomahawk chop” used to fire up fans. Ryan feels it misrepresents Native Americans as “Cave-Man type people.” Oh, are those who currently live in caves undeserving of respect?
The trendy apologies followed with a promise to end this barbaric practice fans held dear, and the result of the final game five was the snake-bitten, mojo-less Braves trailing 10-0 after one inning. I’d have expected the same thing had my Pittsburgh Pirates mascot’s eye patch been deemed insensitive to actual pirates working on the high seas.
Maybe the eye patch would have been replaced by one of those nerdy monocles and the ’79 Orioles would have won game seven by dozens of runs instead of the Bucs being world champions. Pardon my French, but “Aargh” to that!
As I’m consoling Sean, I learn this PC-gone-wild has now cost a hard-working, minority businessman his blood-sweat-and-tears vocation.
Yes, Homer Simpson’s favorite Kwik-E-Mart owned by Apu Nahasapeemapetalon (pronounced just as it’s spelled) has closed. Never again will Apu tell a disgruntled customer, “Thank you; come again.”
Apparently Apu was a caricature of an India-born grocer, or as one critic put it, “It’s hard to take him seriously.” He’s a cartoon character, for God’s sake. (Oops; I mentioned God, which I need to apologize for ASAP).
BTW, Apu has a wife and like a dozen kids who will now go hungry, regardless of how much Top Ramen they managed to salvage. What’s next? Will the endearingly obese Homer be replaced by a thin, teetotaler, great father? Will Barney no longer belch? Will the actor who plays me in the movie be tall with perfect teeth?
Many of our beloved comedians now contemplate retirement. Thankfully we have a president who won’t bow down to the PC mob, continuing to call critics “losers” and Rosie O’Donnell a “fat pig.” I see Donald as a beacon of hope for all the unfiltered class acts out there, calling a spade a spade.
Indians everywhere are now forced to reevaluate their proud heritage. Will citizens in South Bend be next to forcibly betray their roots? Ah, what are ya gonna do? Just publicly apologize I guess.